- For individuals with ADHD, appointments can be a difficult process.
- Some people with ADHD can easily become distracted, forgotten and impulsive.
- Some also experience an extreme negative reaction to rejection. Therapy and medication can help.
- Visit the Insider homepage for more stories.
Jenn Welch has her first-time routine up to a science.
She asks on her date to meet up at one of a handful of her local cafes. When she arrives, she chooses a place where her back is against the wall. After 45 minutes to an hour of chatting, Welch ends the date.
Welch is a comedian and host of the podcast LadyHD, Where she brings together women with ADHD and discusses their experiences with dating, friendships and work.
For her, these first-rate rituals allow her to focus more on the moment.
“If my shoulder is facing the room, then I have hearing loss problems that make it super difficult for me to hear what the person is saying. There’s a lot I have to do to be comfortable in my skin in a situation like this,” Welch told the Insider.
Focusing on the moment can be a challenge for people with ADHD
For Jacob Jones, a 24-year-old Californian in the restaurant industry, the dates have always been disturbing.
“I think about the whole process. How, when is this date and where should we go and how long should I be here? Do I talk too much? Stay too long? Are we talking about something for too long or do I hear them and let them talk?” who was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7, he told Insider.
People in attractive clothes and sudden rumors can make Jones lose his attention in the middle of the conversation, he said. When it happens, explain it at a date you don’t deliberately ignore it.
“I’ll probably let you know soon,” Hey, if you’re wondering if you can repeat it, it’s not because I’m not listening. I only have ADHD and sometimes some things have to be repeated for me, but I’m listening and I’m present, ”Jones said.
Jones said he still arrives at early dates because of his anxiety. But he also forgot the plans completely because he forgot to write them down. Like others with ADHD, Jones describes it planning as “in one ear and out of the other,” unless he establishes a memory for himself.
Separation of a real connection from “hunting”
In the past, Welch has had difficulty discerning whether she likes a date, or whether she reacts to the excitement of a new situation.
“Maybe they’re just really boring or they don’t have a sense of humor or they don’t think I’m funny, you know? If I just get that feeling, I can even go on five dates with them,” Welch, who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 28, he said.
Impulsive responses to new experiences are common in people with ADHD, psychologists say Ari Tuckman said Insider.
Some experience an extreme reaction to the rejections of others
Welch has spent the last few years learning how rigorous dysphoria rigor – a symptom of ADHD that causes a person to have an extreme emotional reaction to exclusion, judgment, or criticism – has influenced their dating life.
Mental health experts have recently begun to study rejection-sensitive dysphoria, or RSD, even if it is not now in the DSM-5, the Bible of the conditions of the field of psychology.
When a person with RSD experiences rejection, it can creep all day and cause physical pain and embarrassment in the long run, psychologist Andrea Bonior wrote about Psychology Today.
The experience, the therapy, the medication, and telling the new lovers to establish boundaries with her helped Welch deal with the rejection.
“It can be like‘ I’m a person who really needs compliments and a lot of them, and that’s okay. I am a person who must be declared frontier. I’m a person who needs to take a step back, ”she said.