- Matt and Elliot Dürt’s daughter was conceived with Matt’s sperm, Elliot’s sister’s egg and Matt’s mother’s uterus.
- His unusual path towards kinship led him to face stereotypes, some internalized.
- The couple, whose daughter is now two years old, shared their story in the podcast Pregnantish.
- Visit the Insider homepage for more stories.
Matt Dürt was joking when he told the doctor that his mother was a potential surrogate for her child.
Dürt and her husband, Elliot, had just taught the friend that they had originally chosen him since the carrier was not a good candidate, so Matt offered his mother for a comic relief.
The doctor did not laugh. He asked, “Is she healthy? Does she have the other one?” Yes. In addition, Matthew’s mother, Cecile Eledge, had taken it seriously.
So in 2019 at the age of 61, Eledge became the oldest woman in the United States to give birth, giving birth to a healthy baby girl – her granddaughter, Uma – who had been raised with the sperm of Matt and the egg by Elliot’s sister. “The way we had our baby wasn’t in any way we had anticipated,” Matt said.
For Pride Month, he and Elliot shared their story in an episode of Pride Pregnant podcast.
Matt and Elliot’s two mothers carried the egg that became Uma
Elliot’s sister, Lea Yribe, voluntarily laid her eggs when she heard about a donor.
Acceptance of the offer was futile. “When you say those three letters [IVF], think dear, “Elliot, a hairdresser, said. Using Yribe’s eggs meant Elliot would be genetically connected to the child and would not have to pay for the donor’s eggs.
Meanwhile, Matt didn’t seriously consider his mother’s repeated offers to be a replacement until doctors did. “It was something I felt was meant and called to do for us,” Matt, a teacher, said.
He reflected on improvements in gay rights since Matt left his mother, when he lamented that his son would never marry or have children. “It’s just so full circle: Not only did we get married, but my mom was literally the portal to give birth to our first child.”
Equally special was a realization that Yribe had the egg that created Uma all her life, even as a fetus in her mother’s womb. In a way, the egg was in the mother’s womb – something that Matt and Elliot have valued since Elliot’s mother died of cancer before Uma was born.
“The two matriarchs of this family carried this egg,” Elliot said.
Misconceptions about fertility and gay parents
Using Matt’s mother as a substitute has opened the doors to lawsuits. Some people thought his disposition was incestuous.
Matt was also worried about his mother’s health. “I didn’t want to be seen as being really reckless and careless with the mother we had left behind,” she said.
But experience has shown that a woman’s uterus doesn’t age like her ovaries – something many people misunderstand. “I didn’t know that a woman who was postmenopausal could even carry it,” Matt said. “And so we have to extend some grace to individuals, because it’s not the most famous story told.”
Some stereotypes related to gay parenting have been internalized.
Matt said he was “embarrassed” to say his child was biologically connected to both of them. There is a sense that homosexuals are forced to adopt or favor, he said. But now he sees it as “something truly magical.”
He also wondered if the children needed a female parent to thrive.
“I had a real deep fear that I wouldn’t have this inner maternal magic that is so important to loving and nurturing a young sentient being,” Matt said. “Then she was born and I held her for the first time, and I heard her cry for the first time and it was such a cosmic experience.”
“I think maternal energy is so crucial,” she added, “but I think we all have the ability to harness it.”
If you are a member of the LGBTQ community who needs financial support to build your family, enter Life of Pride & Joy lotteries for $ 75,000 in fertility services in early July.