Health

I’m horny but my partner only wants sex to make a baby. What can I do?

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Dear Julia,

Me and my partner are deeply in love with each other, there is no question. We both want children in the future, but now is not the right time.

The sex at the beginning of our relationship was intense, beautiful and frequent. But recently, we haven’t had that much sex. It started to affect me.

When we had a sincere conversation about it, she confided that she masturbates regularly but when it comes to sex, she is not so motivated. I see her as the woman she loves, but on a certain level she feels that unless we are working towards a pregnancy, she doesn’t like sex now.

He is not as full of desire as he once was and admits that this could be a phase that works for the first time. Iis it normal for men once they meet someone they want to settle down with? I try to be understanding.

How do we reconcile our different sexual needs now?

– Canada

Dear Canada,

I find it admirable that you try to understand why your partner is disinterested in sex.

Taking a curious approach, as you are, is bound to make your relationship stronger, even if you are going through a rough patch at the moment.

It’s nice that your partner has been honest so that his or her attitude toward sex has changed. Now, it is time for you to be honest with him so that you want to be intimate with him outside of child rearing purposes.

Based on what you told me here, it seems that your partner currently sees sex as a means to an end. But sex can, and should, be much more than that.

As renowned sex therapist Ian Kerner recently shared on the podcast “Pregnant,” there are three types of sex, and each serves a distinct purpose. Recreational sex is just for fun, while relational sex is a way to feel connected with your partner. Finally, there is procreative sex to have children.

Your partner obviously has no problem with reproductive sex. Maybe explaining why you want other types of sex, and framing it as a way to increase your relationship, could help you better understand your needs.

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When couples have libido in disagreement, sex therapist Rachel Wright suggests having a non-judgmental conversation with her. AEO: recognize, explain, offer, model.

First, he acknowledges the lack of sex by saying something like, “I’ve noticed that we haven’t been sexually intimate for some time.”

Next, explain how the lack has affected you. You might say, “When we’re not sexually intimate, it makes me feel emotionally distant from you, when I really want to feel close to you.”

During this time, you can also explain how their interest in sex purely for reproduction makes you feel, whether it is available, unwanted or important.

Finally, propose a solution and allow your partner to do the same. For example, you might suggest planning ahead to be intimate (just for fun!) Every week or so. This way, you can learn more about your partner’s connections with sexual intimacy and find a solution that both of you can get.

You can also ask your partner if adjusting your current sexual routine could make you more excited about the experience. Maybe they’d like to try a new position, have sex somewhere else, or change the time of day. As Kerner told me earlier, refresh your sexual routine it can bring new excitement and intimacy to your relationship.

It is clear that you care for your partner and want to find common ground. Continue to drive with love, and I know you will find your way back to the physical connection you desire.

As Insider’s sex and resident relations reporter, Julia Naftulin it’s here to answer all your questions about dating, love, and doing it – no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists and urologists to get scientific answers to your burning questions, with a personal touch.

Do you have a question? Complete this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously.

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