- Trio are one common sexual fantasy, with more than 95% of men and 87% of women fantasizing about them, research suggests.
- You need to establish safe sexual boundaries with your partner before you have a threesome, sex therapists say.
- If you are single, ask yourself what your limits are before approaching a couple to have sex.
- Visit the Insider homepage for more stories.
Trio are one of the most common sexual fantasies people may have, according to research conducted by the Kinsey Institute’s sexual investigator, Dr. Justin Lehmiller.
But acting according to that desire is a different story.
A 2017 study found only 18% of men and 10% of women had a trio in their lifetime. Lehmiller said this is linked to the lack of available information on how to have group sex.
Here’s a basic checklist you should run before embarking on a trio with your partner or with another partner, according to a sex therapist.
Experiment with dirty talk and trio videos first
Dr. Joe Kort, founder and clinical director of the Center for Sexual Relations and Health, said Insider group sex requires preparation.
Here are some questions to ask before accepting a trio:
- Will I do it for myself, or will I do it for my partner?
- Do I really agree with what we are going to do?
- Do I feel comfortable saying I want to plant, or do I want something different?
- Is there anything that is uncomfortable for me that I need to say before doing this?
“Be sure to tell your partner that you are completely happy with them and this is not about being dissatisfied with them, but more about wanting to add to the already great sex life you have together,” Kort added.
Experimenting with dirty threesome sex talks and sex videos with a third partner can help you test the waters and see how comfortable you are with the concept of group sex.
Single people can find trio partners in dating app
If you are single and looking for people with similar ideas to have a trio, Kort suggests online dating.
Tinder, Bumble and Grindr can all be places to find couples looking for a third party, just make sure you meet with them in a public place to discuss your limits first.
While friends might seem like a more comfortable option, Kort said having a trio with people you know could damage your friendship.
Partner people must establish safe sexual boundaries before having a threesome
Kort told the Insider that you should have a conversation about safe sexual practices, such as the use of protection and any possible sexual boundaries you have, before meeting with your third party. Appendices do not focus on monogamy, however Feeld, 3Somer and 3Fun, responds specifically to people seeking group sex.
“Everyone makes a list of all the things they want and then you agree on a mutual vision based on the two lists,” Kort said. “For example, the list could include sexual acts that take a green light from both of you, those who are perhaps, and those who are a definite nobody.”
Once two of you are on the same page, you can meet up with your partner of three for coffee and exchange your limits.
Veterinarian your three partners before having sex with them
Regardless of whether you are single or associated, Kort recommends meeting with partners in trio before sex.
“Meet for drinks or coffee in a public social place so you can get a feel for each other and talk about what’s going to happen and what the limits are for all of you,” Kort told the Insider .
After meeting, you and your partner should have an honest conversation about how you both feel about the person. If they are all on the same page, then you can proceed.
If you are single, you should ask yourself how comfortable you feel with the couple after you meet in a public place.
Feeling of guilt or jealousy is normal
If you feel guilty after having your trio, don’t panic. According to Vort, we are trained from childhood to be monogamous so trying non-monogamy in any form can come with a lot of remorse.
Feeling jealous towards your partner is also natural because of this programming.
“We were trained from childhood to be monogamous, and we go against long historical writings,” Vort said.