- A Lelo survey found half of the respondents matched that their current partner is the worst sex they have ever had.
- Sex in emotionally stable relationships in the long run may seem less passionate.
- According to the therapist Casey Tanner, Sex therapy can be a great way to deal with incompatibility.
- Visit the Insider homepage for more stories.
Half of married Americans say they have had the worst sex they have ever had with their current sexual partner, according to an investigation by sex toy company Lelo.
The survey asked 2,000 Americans about their sex lives in a self-reported questionnaire.
Sex therapist and weird relationship Casey Tanner telling the Insider less passionate sex can mean that a relationship is only more emotionally stable. Sex in tumultuous relationships, on the other hand, can be more satisfying because of the sexuality that comes with hot and cold dynamics.
“This is because relationships in turmoil – which experience higher and lower levels – repeatedly create a sense of distance in the relationship,” Tanner said. “This distance, fueled by conflict, is a breeding ground for eroticism. In other words, we want what we can’t always have.”
Before you give up, there are steps you can take to work on sexual compatibility in your relationship.
How important is gender compatibility in your relationship?
If your sex is good but not good, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to worry.
“Relationship satisfaction doesn’t typically require having amazing sex; it matters more that you have ‘pretty good sex,'” Tanner said.
If you and your partner are compatible in every other part of your relationship, sex is something that can work.
Steps you can take to make your sex life more passionate
If you find yourself in a relationship that is not sexually satisfying, there are some things you can do before you call it quits. According to Tanner, the first step to improving a sexual dynamic with your partner is to agree to be part of an “erotic team”.
“This means taking a no-fault approach in which each team recognizes the strengths and growth points they bring to the table,” Tanner said.
Instead of putting the blame on each other, discuss what you want most about your sexual dynamics. Getting into a regular masturbation practice can help you learn what you want to act like.
Tanner said working with a sex therapist can also identify areas where you and your partner can experiment with each other.
“Most of us have an ability to grow tremendously in this area, sometimes with just a little bit of positive pleasure, accurate sex education,” Tanner said. “We’ve all done a massive disservice to the way we’re taught to think about sex, so your relationship struggles may have more to do with misinformation and social pressure than the actuality of your connection.”
While many aspects of your sex life can be improved with coaching, there are some areas of incompatibility that may not work.
If a partner has a sexual sin that you can’t deal with, it may be time to break up.
“The incompatibilities that tend to fall into that‘ dealbreaker ’area are those that imply general orientations toward sex,” Tanner said. “For example, one partner needs forms of BDSM and power play to feel animated, while another partner is totally disgusted by the idea.”