What Your Cyberpunk Romance Says About You: A Violent Appeal

I see you hovering over our guide to romance advice. Go ahead and click on it, chum.
Image: CD Projekt Red/Kotaku/Arthur Debate (Getty Images)

Get it together, chums. Like a cross between Cupid and Cyberpunk 2077chatty antihero Johnny Silverhand, I came to once again read the love choices of gamers to the dirt.

Read more: Cyberpunk 2077 Tips to break hearts, romance everyone after all updates

As with our mass effect And The Witcher 3 romantic challenge posts, I’ll go through your list of eligible bachelors and bachelorette parties in Night City. Think of it like a tarot card reading, but with brutal honesty thrown in.

Before we begin, honorable mention Scoundrel. While I’d love to include her on this list, her date with Johnny Silverhand (and V by proxy) isn’t as important to players as other entries.

PS Be sure to check it out GameSpotnew video about consent in games. They discuss the scene with Rogue in more detail, and it’s a really great article on the relationship between developers, NPCs, and players when it comes to consensus in video game mechanics.

Without further ado, let’s fry a little Cyberpunk 2077 romantic choices, samurai.

Spoiler alert for Cyberpunk 2077 romance post.

Meredith Stout

CD Projekt Red/Naughty Gaming

If you have an affair with Militech corpo Meredith Stout (I’m very generous with the use of romance here) it certainly didn’t take much persuasion for you to give Royce and his Maelstrom buddies her corrupted token in exchange for Flathead. It’s still not decided if you’ve saved any of the words coming out of Meredith’s mouth. To be honest with myself, her terms were tantamount to Charlie Brown’s trombone sounds, but you nevertheless agreed to its terms. Of course, this job went uphill, depending on your statistics and important decision-making skills, but your losing streak took a sadomasochistic detour the moment Meredith got in your turn, and you, Riesler, hit her with Casanova’s response “Shame. I started to like you…” Ah, the ellipsis after the risky text, nice touch. What’s going on in No Tell Motel stays at a No-Tell motel.

River Ward

CD Projekt Red/Naughty Gaming

Yes, River Ward police officer. A baby with a sensitive soul and a large enough body that can turn you into a pretzel in the bedroom if desired, but nevertheless a cop. That’s why you were in his hands the moment you two played buddy cops all over Night City in the game. You’ve spent most of your time trying to beat River’s cool factor, showing off how quick you are at the draw the moment the city’s underbelly reared its ugly head.

But your determined problem-solving skills were worth it in the long run, because Daddy Ward gave you a seductive sigh of disapproval whenever he had to clean up your messes. You like yourself a man’s thumb and you are not ashamed of it, and you have more power.

Kerry Eurodyne

CD Projekt Red/Naughty Gaming

Kerry Eurodyne is a typical example of a martyred artist in 2077. He is overwhelmed with regret at being an anti-capitalist rock star who sold his time to Arasaka and is riddled with anxiety that his career will forever be in the shadow of Johnny Silverhand. It made the moment when you burst into his McMansion, playing a Silverhand riff on his guitar, even more confusing, because you were never completely sure if he was with you to complete or lived through some Blade Runner 2049 body takeover fantasy.

In the end, the two of you compromised, deciding that it didn’t matter if your spontaneous kiss came from Johnny’s ghostly lips or V’s own impulses, because you’d be staying on this yacht anyway.

Panam Palmer

CD Projekt Red / Dana Duci

You knew you were hooked the moment you first saw Panam Palmer‘s galley and started spamming your device’s screenshot feature. If your initial flirtatious platitudes touched her ears, like Jim Carrey’s overbearing flirtatious Mask or the cute hodgepodge of words spoken by Hugh Grant in any early noughties romantic comedy has yet to be determined, but you’ve definitely caught the attention of a home girl.

If you’ve romanced Panama, you’re the type of person who finds a family-oriented girl with enough passion in her heart to fuel the entire city as fucking sexy. It also doesn’t hurt to be a crash test dummy for her intricate hands-on tank demonstrations. Likewise, you dream of the day when Panam will talk about you the way she talks about how much she fucking love cars.

Judy Alvarez

CD Projekt Red/Naughty Gaming

Of all the options for romance in Cyberpunk 2077, Judy Alvacutthe route is by far the most emotionally resonant. Judy has a habit of checking on you often as you travel around Night City, she’s the first person to support you when you need support at work, and you have palpable chemistry when you’re in the room. together, platonic or otherwise.

Judy’s devotion and devotion to you is even more touching when you consider all the traumatic shit she’s been through and is going through throughout the game. While you’re more than certain that the two of you would have been best friends anyway, you’re grateful that she was willing to trust you enough to become lovers. You are all cute.

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