Ranking of the best mustaches in video games

Image: Nintendo Life

It’s November now. You know what that means. The nights are longer, the weather is colder, and to top it off, a whole bunch of people who really should know better are going to spend the next four weeks growing mustaches, with varying degrees of success, for perhaps the weakest wallet. ever imagined, Traffic.

As you may know with fuzzy faces, this can be a tough graft. It gets a little itchy, your coffee will stick to it, friends and loved ones may even go so far as to worry about your safety in public. In November, those who go with mo’ must stand firm.

That’s why we’ve put together the following list of inspirations. Not every video game character can perform a touch, but those who do can Indeed remove it. The following list details the good, bad, and ugly mustaches in video games. Yes, we ranked them by levels from Marvelous to F-or the love of God, no! How could we not? – but remember, anything close to the next would be a mind blowing movember attempt.

Prepare the upper lip follicles as we will start with the lower lip. Come on MO!

Video game character mustache rating

Rank F: Stupidity (Please shave immediately)

The president

Many of us feel a certain belonging to the President’s mustache. First introduced in Pikmin 2, these five hair stands will be a familiar sight for anyone just starting their first year at Movember. We all imagine something big and burly on our first try (perhaps something that may need to be brushed and styled by the end of the month), but the fact is that our upper lips have been home to some presidential facial hair. ) at some point.

However, despite the lack of size, President’s tash looks suspiciously thick, as if those five strands could gouge your eye out if you’re unlucky enough to get too close. Wait, is that why Olimar wears that massive helmet?

Sorry, Mr. President, there are some great mustaches in the ranks of Nintendo, but you don’t have one.

Overall rating: 1/ten

Rank E: Uh, okay

Captain Charlie

Pikmin 3
Image: Nintendo

It’s a shame that this list had to start with such a smear of Pikmin, but the fact is the franchise is bad when it comes to inspiring facial hair.

Take, for example, Captain Charlie. He rocks to Pikmin 3 with a fresh face and fluffy tail, but wait a minute, what’s that on his face? His mustache is so tiny and splayed out that we can only assume that Charlie is holding it up to divert attention from the mohawk on top of his head – or is it the other way around?

Yes, it’s an improvement over the chipolats dangling from the president’s nose, and there’s something to be said for Errol Flynn’s stylish pencil mustaches, but we’re looking for significant Movember inspiration here, and there’s much better to take elsewhere. .

Overall rating: 2/ten


The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword Sparrot
Image: Nintendo

There are a lot of bad mustaches in the Zelda franchise, but Sparrot’s little attempt at Skyward Sword takes the cookie simply because of how ridiculously small it is.

It’s like someone somewhere saw some of Captain Charlie’s early plans and thought, “You know, if we just put these two pieces together, we might end up with something special.”

The result is really one of the funniest touch attempts in games. Nothing to strive for, but it belongs to the list for the sole reason that we wanted to look at the picture again.

Overall rating: 2/10

Revolver Ocelot

We have nothing against the way Ocelot rocked in Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, but we’d be lying if we said it was anything special.

Of course it’s not fragmented and it works with everything evil villain a vibe that is clearly happening, but there is simply nothing to distract the eye. We don’t want to see a mustache that could pass us by unnoticed, grow something special – if you can – and leave that standard little number to your grandfather.

Overall rating: 2.5/10

Rank D: Honorable Try


Image: Nintendo

Okay, this should ruffle some, but hear us out here. Mario’s mustache isn’t everything.

This may be Nintendo’s most iconic attempt yet, but let’s face it, if you saw something like this in real life, you’d go crazy. He’s fat to the point that too fat, those rocking lumps at the bottom? Has this man never heard of wax? He is in desperate need of a good cleaning.

Don’t get us wrong, there’s a lot to be proud of here and many of us would love to have that kind of prominent facial hair. Give him a hot towel and a quick look at the barbershop and you might just stumble upon something that might move up the rankings a bit. But until then, Mario’s mustache is the worst of the entire Mushroom Kingdom crew.

Overall Rating: 3/10

Marvin Grossberg

Marvin Grossberg Ace Attorney
Image: Nintendo

Now this is a perfect example of what Mario could achieve with a little bit of self care and planning.

The defense attorney from the Ace Attorney series might just be one of the best-groomed mustaches on this list. It has a decent length and thickness and those curled ends can’t be natural. Seriously Marvin, leave your wax tips in the comments below.

So why is it in the humble D class on this list? Just, it’s still a little rough. Such a big hairstyle would be hard to pull off at the best of times, but pair it with a haircut that reflects it and it won’t work overall.

However, if you have the ability to grow something like this in a month, then fair game is for you.

Overall rating: 4/10

Rank C: Brash but attractive

Professor Rowan

Professor Rowan
Image: The Pokémon Company

You see, Grossberg, this is how you pair a big mustache with your haircut.

First appearing in Pokémon Diamond and Pearl, Professor Rowan has changed the game in line with what we want from our Poketachi. Balancing that length with a silver fox look is a tricky maneuver, but Rowan can pull it off.

The only problem here is that it’s a bit hmm. Sure, the sight of a real person swinging such a big touch would surely get your attention, but this is the world of video games! We don’t want annoying real life getting in the way of physically complex facial hair. There is definitely room for improvement.

Overall rating: 5/10


Image: Nintendo

We’ll admit it, the reason Wario ends up being taller than Mario is because his mustache has always baffled us. Is he shaved like this? Does he squeeze it every morning? If yes, what does it look like before styling? We need answers.

With its sheer ability to deceive alone, the tache that Wario wears deserves a spot in the middle category on this list. You wouldn’t want to grow one yourself as suchbut if you saw someone rocking that zigzag number, you’d be impressed for sure.

Overall rating: 5/10


Image: Nintendo

And here he is. Himself the king of memes with roses. And yes, he is taller than Wario.

Like his hostile compatriot, the reason for Waluigi’s higher status lies in pure possibility. If this is what the Tacha looks like in its stylized state, then we’re desperate to know how deep it reaches when it gets wet.

This image requires serious planning, and you know, we can’t help but respect that.

Overall rating: 6/10


Matt Wee Sports
Image: Nintendo

It might be the least favorite entry on the list. It’s true, we all have a personal grudge against Wii Sports’ Matt that goes back to the hazy days of 2006, and can we really classify that as a mustache? The fact of the matter is that you need to objectively look at the task at hand, and yes, yes, this is a mustache. And very impressive at the same time.

Matt’s facial hair might look a little, we don’t know, normal? But that’s what makes this goatee so exceptional. This is something that can really be grown and rocked this November.

Could this be due to a little tidiness around the chin, perhaps bordering on full steering? Why of course. But what Matt brings to sheer athleticism is almost as good as his facial hair.

Overall rating: 6/10

We’re halfway through our rankings and we haven’t even touched the really great work yet! For the first three ranks, be sure to read page 2!

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